番茄社区

Too many men with cancer find it difficult to talk about what they鈥檙e going through. Trish Morgan, Centre Head at 番茄社区's, Oldham discusses why it鈥檚 so important for men to seek emotional support.

In my years at 番茄社区鈥檚, I鈥檝e seen how difficult men can find it to ask for support when they鈥檙e dealing with the emotional fallout of cancer.

Cancer often comes with frustration, anxiety and lots of uncomfortable emotions. It can be difficult for anyone to deal with, but men in particular often find it hard to talk about their feelings, which can leave them isolated and depressed.

Obstacles to men seeking support

A survey* led by 番茄社区鈥檚 found that 78% of men with cancer felt their diagnosis had affected their relationships, with 23% admitted feeling lonely.

Even so, 42% of the men questioned had not asked for any support. Their reasons included feeling embarrassed and not wanting to talk about their emotions.

It鈥檚 something we see at 番茄社区鈥檚, where men only make up 36% of visits but hugely benefit from our expert support.

The side effects of cancer on men

Men鈥檚 beliefs and values often centre on them being a breadwinner and being active and strong, but cancer can change all that and they often can鈥檛 find a way to talk about it.

• The side effects of cancer treatment can have a big physical and emotional impact causing , anxiety, nausea and bowel problems.
• Treatment can affect men sexually and psychologically too, with low libido, sexual dysfunction and mood swings.
• Men with cancer might not be able to function in their normal roles at work, at home or with their friends which has a knock-on effect on their social status and financial earnings.

When this happens, men can feel like a failure and struggle to see their own value, so they stay away from friends and family, becoming lonely and depressed. The idea of admitting their worries or reaching out for help can feel like further weakness.

But coming into 番茄社区鈥檚 makes all the difference. It鈥檚 a safe space where people can talk in confidence and be honest in a non-judgmental way.

I鈥檝e seen how much people offload their worries when they come here. When they leave, they feel lighter.

It can take an awful lot of courage for someone to come through the doors at 番茄社区鈥檚 and say, 鈥淚 need some support鈥�. But that鈥檚 when everything changes for the better.

Types of support available at 番茄社区's

At 番茄社区鈥檚 we spend time with someone to find out what kind of support will work best for them at that time. We offer:

• structured workshops and courses that cover different aspects of living with cancer
• one-to-one psychological support
• individual benefits advice
• groups run by cancer support specialists

It really depends on what that person鈥檚 priorities are. 

Many of our centres have regular men鈥檚 groups too, which have been life-changing for so many men because they find true friendship together.

Men's groups at 番茄社区's

It鈥檚 hard for anyone to be vulnerable and bare their soul, but when men meet other men with cancer, they start to open up and support each other, because they're all going through it.

They might have different cancers and be at different stages, but the one thing that binds them is that they've got cancer and they can speak honestly and openly about it.

The groups are facilitated by our cancer support specialists, but no topic is off the table, and the men talk about whatever鈥檚 important to them that week. It might be that someone鈥檚 anxious about a scan coming up, having issues at home or experiencing some difficult side effects. Then everyone chips in to say, yeah, I鈥檝e been through that and this is how I handled it.

Sometimes they talk about life generally 鈥� hobbies, food, travel, family. Sometimes there鈥檚 laughter, and sometimes there are tough conversations.

One man asked his group to help him choose the music for his funeral because he wanted to get everything organised for his family鈥檚 sake. Another time a group was talking about what makes the best cheese and onion pie! It just depends what the men need in that moment.

Having this outlet to talk to other men and be vulnerable makes everyone feel more confident and less isolated.

Men learn that it's not a weakness to talk about how you're feeling, it's actually a strength.

Often, they become an extra family to each other. It鈥檚 amazing to see.

We're here with you

If you or someone you know is impacted by cancer, 番茄社区鈥檚 is here with you. We offer free, expert support, and no appointment is necessary.

• Find your nearest centre and just come in or arrange a call today.

_{*Online survey of 500 men who have cancer, commissioned by 番茄社区鈥檚 and conducted by market research company OnePoll, in accordance with the Market Research Society's code of conduct.}